Reflections

Today has been one of those days where I have been spent a lot of time thinking about the future and the past.

Thinking about the past is strange for me.

I have never really done anything wrong, so to speak. There is not a lot of regret, so much as thankfulness. I can look back and clearly see the hand of God working and moving in my life. Pushing me away from certain people, taking me out of situations. As I look back, I see the direction that my old friends have gone and I praise Him for taking me away from that same path that I was on.

Things are never as they appear when you are immersed in the situation. You may think that everything is going great and that your life is just hunkie dorie, when in reality, it's crap. That is where I was, and when I finally started to listen to God's plans for me and His voice, I began to realize that the place I was in was nowhere near where He wanted me to be.

Then there is the future.

Sometimes I worry, but I try not to. I wish that my life was like a book and that I could just look to the end to figure out where I am going. Dealing with the indecision and wondering where my life will end up can be seriously stressful. There are many times when it is hard to remember that He knows the plans that He has for me and that they are good.

I wish I knew what exactly He wanted me to and where to go. I wonder who I will end up marrying and if I already know him. I wonder when and how and where. I want my life to hurry up and get started, but I also don't want to deal with the huge amount of responsibility involved. I just have to start trusting in Him.

Easier said than done.

No one but God knows what the future holds.