Reflections

Today has been one of those days where I have been spent a lot of time thinking about the future and the past.

Thinking about the past is strange for me.

I have never really done anything wrong, so to speak. There is not a lot of regret, so much as thankfulness. I can look back and clearly see the hand of God working and moving in my life. Pushing me away from certain people, taking me out of situations. As I look back, I see the direction that my old friends have gone and I praise Him for taking me away from that same path that I was on.

Things are never as they appear when you are immersed in the situation. You may think that everything is going great and that your life is just hunkie dorie, when in reality, it's crap. That is where I was, and when I finally started to listen to God's plans for me and His voice, I began to realize that the place I was in was nowhere near where He wanted me to be.

Then there is the future.

Sometimes I worry, but I try not to. I wish that my life was like a book and that I could just look to the end to figure out where I am going. Dealing with the indecision and wondering where my life will end up can be seriously stressful. There are many times when it is hard to remember that He knows the plans that He has for me and that they are good.

I wish I knew what exactly He wanted me to and where to go. I wonder who I will end up marrying and if I already know him. I wonder when and how and where. I want my life to hurry up and get started, but I also don't want to deal with the huge amount of responsibility involved. I just have to start trusting in Him.

Easier said than done.

No one but God knows what the future holds.

Long Time No See

Things have been crazy. Like ridiculously insane.

I am now officially halfway through my senior year of high school. I am still kind of in shock. I am beyond excited about going to Lee next year and I can not wait to start the next chapter in my life.

God has taken me on a crazy journey since my trip to Mexico. Things have been completely and totally flipped upside down in my life. I have started to see everything in a whole new light. Every morning my prayer is that he would help me to see the people around me how He sees them and love them like He does. I also pray that He would show me new things about His love and reveal it to me in new ways throughout the day. And He never fails to follow through.

I feel like I am in a season of not necessarily waiting but anticipation. I feel like things are changing, big time, starting today. God has given me new vision to see what He wants me to see, and He now He wants me to start using it for Him. It makes me nervouse, but what else can I do? I am called to follow Him wherever He leads and tell people about His saving grace. I feel like this is the time that He is starting to truly prepare me for my future of serving Him and giving Him my all.

I am so just ready to GO!!! I want to show people the love of Jesus and not just stay in my own safe little box. I am done with me. Now it is time to start living for Him. Completely unchained.

The verses He has given me to lean on and live by for the next year and possibly the rest of my life are:

Revelation 3:8 "I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut."

Isaiah 61:1 "The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners."

The mission field is calling my name. And I am willing and ready to go.

The Lord will lead where the Lord will lead, and I will most certainly follow.

The Passion of The Christ

Wow.

I just got done watching The Passion of The Christ with Kayla. Incredible.

All I could think the whole movie is that I will never fully be able to understand His love for me.

The fact that He lived a perfect, sinnless life, then died an awful, excrutiating, tortorous death, all to save me is almost more than I can bear.

He shed His blood while giving up His seat at the right hand of God. For me.

I am in awe of His beauty and majesty.

Praise Jesus.

Mexico. A Turning Point.

Nothing will ever be the same.

That was pretty much my first thought when my airplane took off for the skies on my way to my first mission trip. That and awesomely, beautiful everything was and how in awe of God I was.

I knew this trip would be different from other normal road trips when I started off giving glory to God. In my life lately, everything has been about me and the only time I really cared about God was at church. Nothing is the same now.

From the time I heard God tell me to go to Mexico, everything fell in place. The money came in. The flight was arranged. The supplies were bought. There was nothing holding me back except the fear that I would change. Which I did. And I will never regret it.

I knew He wanted me to go to Ixmiquilpan, Hidalgo in Mexico. I felt like He was going to show me what He wanted me to do with my life. And He did. What I didn't know was how radically He was going to turn my life around.

Instead of being indifferent, annoyed, angry, and depressed, He melted my heart into a joyful, smiling, content, peaceful, puddle of tears. Which is huge. Because before Mexico I hardly ever cried, didn't like it. Now I cry all the time. hahaha.

I have become so enraptured by God's beauty and saving grace. I want to fall more and more in love with Him every day, every hour, every minute, every second. I have wasted so much time thinking only of myself and what I want and "need" that I could not see the needs of those around me.

Mexico opened my eyes to the way people outside of America, or even inside, live. And it broke my heart. Never in my life have I wanted to pack so many people into my suitcase to take home with me so I could love them and feed them and give them all my money. But the thing about the people there is that while they are poor in body, they are wealthy in spirit. Unlike here in America, they God the glory for every single thing they have. Like toilet seats and toilet paper.

With all my heart I want to go back. But for the next year, I plan on getting as close to God as possible so I can share His light with the people there and here.

God is my everything. No turning back.

And this, my friends, is only a piece of the huge story. But do not fret. More will come as time passes.

I pray that God will bless you and keep you and cause His face to shine upon you. Amen.

Stay strong and focus on God. He will make your paths straight. Adios!